Leaders of the 21^st century cannot allow themselves to fall for the great deception of familiarity for  intimacy.  Familiarity today is one-way.  Fans of LeBron James are familiar with him but do not know him.  He would not recognize them if he saw them out in public.

Intimacy is two-way. Someone in relationship with LeBron James would know is likes and dislikes, his moods and how he thinks.  They would know the different facets of him, not just his stats on the court.

Do you have fans or do you have relationships?

I wrote a post on the importance of having and how to choose people for your inner circle.  Accountability is a benefit of having an inner circle.  What is accountability? There’s personal accountability which is accepting responsibility for your life and decisions you make. Michael Hyatt wrote an excellent post on Leadership and Accountability in regards to this topic.

Then there’s living a life of accountability, where others are holding you responsible for your actions. At work, it is your manager.  You will have different circles of accountability partners. Your golf partners may not be able to hold you accountable for goals you have in your career. But they can hold you accountable to goals you’ve set with your golf game.

Why do we need accountability? There are 3 reasons for accountability:

1. Accountability motivates you – knowing someone will be checking up on you will force you to follow through.
2. Accountability makes you better – since results will be checked by another person, you want to show your best side.
3. Accountability challenges you to grow – another person critiquing your work gives you a different perspective. Another set of eyes on areas in your life allows you to fill in your blind spots.

There are 3 people in my life that I hold my entire life accountable to.  Then with different goals I have, I have another set of accountability partners. It’s great when you find accountability partners in areas you are trying to grow. Remember the relationship is reciprocal; be willing to hold someone else accountable.

Feminine Leadership Part 3

You can read part 1 and part 2 before continuing.

1. Attempt to build a working relationship with men as if they are women

Men do compartmentalize their lives. It all runs together for us. Unless he’s willing to discuss personal stuff, don’t do it expecting him to be drawn in. If he mentions one of his kids upcoming birthdays, feel free to bring it up. If you start becoming too inquisitive on personal matters, you will be thought of as nosey.

2. Assume they have the same needs as women

Men feel motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when we feel valued. Giving men more breathing room to figure stuff out on their own will always work to your advantage. It is a leadership skill to figure out when to intervene. It will vary from person to person.

3. Mistake confrontation with directness

You have to be direct with men but not confrontational. Let’s say you have two direct reports, Andre & Jeff. You want Andre to format his work the way Jeff does.

Indirect – “Andre, I love how Jeff formats his reports” Trust me, he won’t get it.

Confrontational – “Andre, why don’t you format your reports like Jeff?” Not only is this confrontational, it’s also emasculating. You are also pitting one man against the other.

Direct – “Andre, would you format your reports in this manner (describe it here)?” I wouldn’t bring Jeff into the discussion.

4. Take on a maternal role

This is a pet peeve of mine, your team members aren’t your children. Resist every temptation to mother your team. There are nurturing aspects women should bring to the job but never let it cross the line to babying your team especially in front of other higher powers.

5. Act like a male counterpart

This never works. I’ve sat in meetings where the head man cussed folks out, hit his fist on the table and was considered more the man for it. Women don’t play that card. Don’t think of it as a double standard (it is, but thinking of it will make you angry), but rather think of it as your feminine advantage. A truly feminine woman can get more productivity out of a man than the manliest of men.

The above are things I’ve observed and studied over the past 20 years. The best books I’ve used to help learn how to lead men are dating books.  Wafting  through the ‘how to catch one’ aspects is necessary, but those books are filled with revelations of the male ego. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, by Dr. John Gray is probably the most famous of relationship books. It’s a good starting point.